Milkscape

Untitled

2006-05-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

Rape Me Harder

2006-04-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

Phiiliip played a show in our very own gallery at Fancy That-- "the Parisidium." It was a headrush. Sunburnt and drugged, I smoked a pack during a panic over a technical difficulty. Phiiliip bought time with some long-legged guitar playing, which led to some minor blood loss and scratchy, scratchy, scratch-ups of a brand new 700-dollar guitar. The guitar belongs to my new boyfriend and damn do I regret asking his permission to use it in the show... I offered to clean off the blood, but was refused. Elliott said he'd rather do it himself, alone. (ouch)

Even still, the show was totally hot and I feel lucky as hell to have been there. I took lots of stills and Robert shot some film. It was big. I feel so much younger now than before.

it takes two

2006-04-25T00:38:00.000-07:00

"The front door hasn't been opened for twenty years."

2006-03-25T17:00:00.000-08:00

Nancy just bought the contents of an estate on Hudson Ave. We spent the afternoon there today, and I had to pee the whole time. There's no electricity or plumbing, so I ignored my body and emersed myself in the material world. Meanwhile, Nancy stuffed her truck in a hurry. The woman she bought the house from wanted to cheat on their deal, and Nancy confided in me that she feared the house may be burned down tonight. So she worked like a neurotic, hunting and gathering, and postponing savoring the miscellaneous items until they were safely delievered to our store.

2nd time

2006-03-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

I really, truly love visiting Cairo. This time, Robert and i rented a motel (only availiable one in town) so we could wake up early and take photos in the morning light. Right before checking in, we bought a bottle of Jim Beam at "the Spirit House," which is located at the first edge of town. As I paid the clerk from a window, a woman from a car cocked her head and muttered, "Y'all from Kentucky? I am too-- can't you tell?" Probably over thirty, with a shoulder-length blond perm, she offered Robert and me the best welcome we could have hoped to recieve.

I'm happy

2006-03-08T20:35:00.000-08:00

I just had a satisfying, little meal-- a poached egg with grey sea salt and dill, with two wal-mart croissants. The sea salt is such a treasure. Everytime I get a whiff of it, I feel happy. It smells like an ocean because it is unwashed, unrefined. After adding a pinch to my meal, I always lick my fingers. The taste reminds me of a time when I sucked on my aunt's skirt after she'd taken a walk on the beach. I think she may have even offered it to me... but I was very young and I may have forgotten the facts since then.

Excursion

2006-03-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

Today Robert and I went to visit Cairo , IL. As you can see, much of Cairo is in ruins. Some of the damage dates back to race riots in 1967. As disturbing as it was to confront the volumes of wreckage, Robert and I had a ball-- my best Monday for weeks. Call it the sublime, but there's something innately attractive and powerful about significant decay, as found in Cairo. I want to see it again already.

Nick, Lucas: You can count on me taking you to Cairo the next time you visit.

the joy of...

2006-03-02T20:37:00.000-08:00

Tonight I realized that I didn't lose my love for cooking afterall, rather, it's entering a new phase-- the "ME" phase.

Very similiar to my sexual development, my original motivation was to please others. I cooked for my friends, boyfriend, acquaintances in order to feed thier bodies something real and honest, and to help them see how one can relish a meal. I also wanted them to think I knew about food.

About two months ago, I stopped wanted to do this sort of thing. Feelings of guilt arose, but failed to help me return to my role as hostess. I've hated myself for the loss of passion ever since.

Tonight, I'm alone... my roommate is in a neighboring town. When I began to feel hungry, I started to grab my most recent dinner standby-- PB and bananna, but then I hesitated. It occured to me that if I broke into the chickpeas, garlic, and lemons reserved for my art show's reception tomorrow night, that I would go unseen... and i wouldn't have to worry about sharing.

From these ingredients, I formed my personal dinner... sauteed garlic, onions, chickpeas in lemon juice and olive oil, cumin and red pepper... tossed with garlic fried bread crumbs and organic strozzapreti pasta... garnished with yogurt and toasted cumin seeds.

I loved it. I savored the oily bits-- privately, slowly. I may be on to something...

just another manic monday?

2006-02-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

It's monday night, I'm on the verge of a new week. I'm overwhelmed, anxious, lazy, slow, slightly terrified. I've been trying to compose a grocery list, but I can't think about food now.

Last night I had a horrible dream that there was a growing pain in my lower side. The dream started out as a pleasant morning conversation with Evan. I was so excited to be near him again and we were spending time my favorite way-- in bed. Athough I was enjoying myself, there was a touch of anxiety. It prevented me from pausing in my dialogue (or was it a monologue).
Then, the pain grew sharper. Soon it was so uncomfortable, I asked Evan to stop (somehow I figured out he was doing it). He refused, so I tried to go back to ignoring it. Unfortunately, it had gotten worse and I started to wonder if my skin was being punctured. Then the pain became so powerful, I stopped talking-- all I could do was focus on it's intensity. Shortly, it changed from merely uncomfortable to intolerable. I tried to scream out or curse to make it stop, but I found I was paralyzed with horror.

The dream ended a second later, when I woke myself up. I rubbed my side immediately, but there was nothing there to cause the sensation in the dream. It still throbbed a moment more. I had to fully wake up to recognize it wasn't real.

This seems like the sort of dream one can read into as a metaphor for some trouble in their life. When I thought of this at first, I tried to push any analysis out of my mind. The pain could stand for a number of things. What's scary is that not facing the pain was one of the pitfalls I had in the dream.

I think the best thing I could do with myself right now is go swimming.

Can't see the Artic Circle from here

2006-02-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

This morning it is 17 F and the whole view from my window is coated in several layers of snow. It seemed like a special occasion, so I made myself a plate of French Toast. Jesse grandmother's bread was the perfect candidate-- dense, homemade, and newly stale.

After breakfast, I looked some more at the snow and then at the section of the motel that hasn't be refinished (see photo). My landlord told me a lady ghost lives there. I don't think she's right, but I'm glad she tells people that.

Crappie, but not

2006-02-16T23:46:00.000-08:00

I want to go to Florida.

Instead, I'll go to the store tonight to prime sheet rock (in order to draw on it later), silkscreen on dummies, add night lighting to a new window display and meditate while I'm alone.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be totally alone.

Gumbo in Bed

2006-02-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

All week, I've eaten Gumbo! Jesse made enough for a family of ten. And he keeps making cheddar biscuits. Oh boy. Tonight I took my bowl and biscuits to bed, and I let the crumbs fall. My room look likes hell, too. But it's all ok, because Evan just left for Prague and I have 5 weeks to get things in order.

In Honor of Our Splash

2006-02-04T16:05:00.000-08:00

Three bands, half-price clothing sale, raw food (and junk food), and my new haircut were all highlights of Fancy That's first monthly event in a series of twelve. My mom thinks it was a success. It was! Everyone had fun, we made a little money, and we had more customers today. I wore what I wish I could wear every day: LaRue's slips and gloves, Jesse's opossum necklace, a golden lion belt and Nancy grandmother's shoes. Sorry, no photos!

The woman pictured with Jesse is Lea, a store regular and (I say this lovingly) a weirdo.

You and LaRue

2006-01-23T13:48:00.000-08:00

My greatest joy lately has been washing LaRue's dirty underwear (and dressing up in it).

something bad

2006-01-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

Last night I made Grant's recipe for macaroni and cheese in a cast iron skillet and something horrible happened.

It had been pouring rain all day and I was running late on a scheduled dinner party. Although Claudia, Jeff, and Evan were expecting Indian cuisine, I chose to serve mac and cheese, black beans and roasted red pepper, and citrus and avocado salad. Since I got a late start, I nervously continued cooking long after everyone showed up. Whilst an attempt to stir the half-baked mac and cheese, I lost balance of the iron skillet. I couldn't save it from falling since I don't have a proper potholder and my hand had burned through the dish towel I substituted for the job. Left with no other option, I watched the lava-hot milky pasta take flight and jump the boundary between kitchen and dining room. My guests were so hungry that they dived right in.

Susie in Paris

2006-01-19T10:12:00.000-08:00

Splashing up my mom's space

2006-01-04T00:48:00.000-08:00

wearing pads, hanging out

2005-12-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

Shaneé came over last Friday. She played her harmonica and we got drunk, changed clothes, bad-mouthed our gynocologist, rearranged the living room, popped some popcorn, and i can't remember the rest....

locked in my room

2005-12-12T19:35:00.000-08:00

My doorknob fell off and I couldn't get the door open. Then I decided to get in bed and wait for help since I was sleepy anyway.

I love to cry

2005-12-04T17:49:00.000-08:00

After going without food for days, I finally made it to the kitchen. (I knew I had to do something about it after a nasty combination of come and pomegranate upset my stomach this morning.)
Three-Onion soup seemed to fit the occasion. Chopping and slicing all those onions provided the perfect oportunity to cry. I was alone with no prospect of visitors, so I let myself go. I wanted to photograph my red and tear-streaked face for the blog, but I wasn't able to set up the shot in time. When I looked at the first few frames, I noticed that my emotions were no longer visable. I even attempted to put my face very close to the pile of onions to get it going again. No luck, but the smell was delicious. Heavenly, actually.

Visit

2005-11-25T20:29:00.000-08:00

I had a lovely time.

High Tea

2005-11-16T20:18:00.000-08:00

I spilled a glass of water. We smeared red pottage on our lips and teeth. Claudia happily accepted the least attractive cheese pastie. Evan got quiet. I poured half of my Guinness down the drain because it made me sleepy. Nobody did the dishes.

what about waaawaw?

2005-11-14T19:54:00.000-08:00

Ok, well the day wasn't completely lost after breakfast. Waaaaaaaaa hh

my buttermilk

2005-11-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

I wanted a little extra sleep, so I skipped Ceramics class. Then I woke up and made buttermilk biscuits. As soon as they were out of the oven, I hopped on my bike and delivered two to Evan. The rest of my day was downhill from there.

You might enjoy..

2005-11-12T17:30:00.000-08:00

These insults were created by a four year old girl I babysit for:

-You look like a broken bone.
-You have a rusty tummy.
-You don't have a bum, because I have a bum.
-You're not pretty, you're ratty.
-You have no penis.
-You have no gasoline in your propane tank.
-You have grease and black sludge on your eyelashes.
-You're a triangle piece of
cheese.

The Blobbie- Blooby Day

2005-11-12T16:47:00.000-08:00

The opening reception for Jesse's show, Davia, happened last night. After eight hours of babysitting, I dressed myself in lace, a pencil skirt, put my most painful shoes and headed over.
I tried to hang around for the full length, but ended up not making it-- too many awkward moments with John Utgaard, Jesse's little sister, and others. I wandered around with Evan's camera, wanting badly to seem comfortable and approachable. I finally left as an escape.
Then Robert and I drove to Paris. We came back with 24 bottles of beer and I started feeling better.
Even though we drank and drank, I never made it to Jesse's party. When he called to ask why, I was in the middle of a horrible moment with Evan.

Bleck.

2005-11-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

i can't stop eating

2005-11-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

salad
and I don't want to

pour vinegar on my head
oh god

Proud of Salad

2005-11-01T18:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight's Masterpiece Includes:
Baby Red and Green Romaine, Royal Red Oak, Lollo Rossa, New Red Fire, Baby Red and Green Leaf, Tango, Little Gem, Green Oak, Mizuna, Tat Soi, Red and Green Mustard, Red and Green Chard, Arugula, Baby Spinach, Raddicchio, Frisee, Dill, and Parsley, Snow Pea Pods, Radishes, Celery, Yellow and Green Bell Pepper.

oh, mejillones

2005-10-30T22:31:00.000-08:00

The first meal I had in Chicago was a total feast. I shared tapas and pitchers of Sangria with eleven people. The food was so electrifying that I went back the next day for more mussels. Since we were using the last of our money for Cafe Iberico, Jesse and I waited as long as we could to eat-- but only lasted until 3pm. Then, we relished every morsel, sipped all the broth, and sponged away leftover cream with crusty rounds of bread. Here we pictured enjoying mejillones, tostadas de piste, and sopa. I wrapped the leftover bread in a napkin and took it back to the hotel for dinner. Lucky we had a bottle of red wine to soak it in.

we're in love

2005-10-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

Why do I always drop dal?

2005-10-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

Just a minute ago, I dropped a clump of dinner on my floor. Is it a coincidence that I dropped the dal last time, too?
I made a tomato dal a week ago. I was exhausted when I prepared it--so tired I barely had an appetite. When I sat down to my first bowl, I thought it might be magic it was so lovely. It gave me strength, revived my life, tasted amazing. I carefully saved the leftovers in an old hummus tub.

The next night, I saw Claudia dipping chips in it! I squawked! She handed it over and I delievered it directly to the microwave. I overestimated the reheating time and when I reached for the plastic container, it burned me! I quickly let go. The dal had liquified under the intense heat, so as it dropped to the floor, streams flew and scattered across my kitchen. One drop hit my leg and etched a red burn mark.

Seeing dal on my kitchen floor is not only humiliating because it's wasted food, but because it provides an opportunity for me to clearly see how filthy my floor is. The tomato dal was such a special treat that I attempted to salvage a bite from the spillage. I tried my best to avoid the crumbs and hair it sat on. The debris on my floor is so varied it looks like confetti.

flatness

2005-10-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

These were taken at our reception for Uncommonly Soft. Everyone came and it was a good experience. I'm relieved to see it behind me. I want to change!

the Battle with the Borsht

2005-10-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

Kim Jastremski's borsht came to me as a baby frozen hunk.

the Blues

2005-10-19T22:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight has been crummy. I overspent at the grocery, I broke my book-binding needle before finishing my guestbook, I'm lonely, and not tired. Here's a picture of my studio. I left there minutes ago, feeling defeated. What a waste.

Nick, something that's not a waste: I'm using the Mica paper I bought with you in NY for my guestbook.

But do I feel 22?

2005-10-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

We hung our show this afternoon. Claudia was comatose. My head was pounding. I was sweaty and cold. Luckily, we had two helpers. At times, I felt like cheerleading for them was the most I could do. After we finished the job, I looked around and wondered if it really felt like my show. It was as if I just had a birthday and someone asked, do you feel your age? I don't feel it. It's a little foreign.

I took these two on an egg & coffee break (for Nick), during the wee hours at my apartment:

Murray-- Art Capital of Today's Universe

2005-10-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

Last night: Claudia and Robert's group show, If I Had 10 Fingers. There was strong popcorn and Full Throttle energy drinks at the reception. My favorite of Claudia's drawings is titled "Our Fathers, Who." It's of two fourteen year old girls from Paris, TN.

Becoming Uncommonly Soft

2005-10-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

Claudia and I stayed up all night, in preparation for our upcoming show of recent prints and drawings. (We have titled the exhbition Uncommonly Soft.)

To Believe in Pizza

2005-10-13T00:14:00.000-07:00

Pizza in hand, let us become ultimate.

"Yes, I'll be right there."

DDDESSERTS TIMELINE

2005-10-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

Dddesserts in the Curris Center Gallery, October 2005. (We took the show down yesterday.)

The Bbbake Sale at Faculty Hall, March 4, 2005.

The first dddesserts exhib-- a show in Bowling Green, KY, January 21, 2005.

sisters

2005-10-02T17:45:00.000-07:00